Adventures In Parodyverse: New Addition Part 1 (read the end carefully)

Adventures In Parodyverse - New Addition, Part 1

NOTE: I'm not sure what will come of this, but it's based on Ian's mention of possibly adding more Lair Legion members. So don't take this as me butting in to the Lair Legion plotlines, because odds are nothing will come of it. It's just a fun exercise. Please don't kill me.

    "I've done as best as I can," Sir Mumphrey Wilton's voice was heard saying from the hallway outside his office. "But seems we still have more heroes goin' than comin'."

    "He said 'coming'," Dreamcatcher Foxglove snickered as he stood on the hallway with his spying companion.

    "Quiet," Liu Xi Xian ordered in a whisper. "And grow up, Beavis," she added in a Chinese accent.

    "Is to be being natural order of things," Yo responded to Sir Mumphrey in a distinctive female accent. "Heroes who leave are to be having good reasonings."

    "Yeah," Hatman said, "Like discovering that his day job conflicts with this one," he observed. "At least in one case."

    "Or to be just disappearing without explaining," Yo added.

    "No matter," Sir Mumphrey said. "We must plan for the possibility we may lose more in the near future, what?"

    "I am to be agreeing," Yo agreed.

    "I guess so." Hatman reluctantly agreed as well.

    "Then we know what we have to do," Sir Mumphrey told them. "It's about time to do some recruiting."

    Liu Xi looked at Dream out in the hallway. "The Lair Legion is adding new members?"

    Dream shrugged. "I guess it'll be cool as long as they're not tools like Epitome." He smiled. "Hey, maybe you can get in. When Hat's busy we can partner up, y'know? It'll be fun."

---

    "Why do you follow me around?" Liu Xi asked Dream as he walked behind her down a hallway, away from Sir Mumphrey's office.

    "Don't have anything else to do," he replied. "Jay is busy with this meeting of theirs and April didn't feel like um--" He paused when Liu Xi stopped and stared at him coldly, making it clear she didn't want to hear the rest. "How come you're not visiting Kerry at Vizh's?"

    "I don't know where she is," she replied. "Besides," she added, "I have a life of my own."

    "I still think you should interview for the LL," CSFB! nagged. "We need more hot young girls around. Preferably--" He zipped around to the front of Liu Xi. "Ever been to a nude beach?"

    "Yes," she replied. "It's called Lemuria. Shame you missed it."

    "What...? You were nude and I missed it?" Dream whined.

    "I wasn't." she laughed. "That isn't what you asked."

    He paused for a moment, and then whispered an 'Oh', as he resumed following her. "So how about interviewing for the LL? I can sponsor you if you need it."

    "This sponsoring...it's not another of your sex references is it?" she asked.

    "You don't know what 'sponsoring' means?" Dream laughed.

    "I thought it was to donate money to a cause." Liu Xi turned and started walking away. "But if you prefer to laugh at me I suppose I won't learn the true meaning."

    Dream caught up to her quickly. "I meant...I'll vouch for you. I'll tell them you're cool."

    Liu Xi finally stopped and turned to meet Dream. "If it will stop you from following me around," she responded.

    "Excellent," Dream finally agreed as he wandered off.

---

    "Hurrumph." Sir Mumphrey Wilton exclaimed as he looked from his appointment book to his first interviewee, over the top of his reading glasses. In spite of the failure of his memory, and Asil's as well, the cloaked man before him did indeed have an appointment. "I suppose we should get the formality over with," he said, closing the appointment book as he did.

    "Indeed." The Hooded Hood sat in the chair across from Sir Mumphrey...which was now inexplicably an ornate wooden chair with plush cushions, resembling a throne.

    "If we are to conduct this interview fairly," Sir Mumphrey said calmly, "I'm going to have to ask you not to do that."

    "Very well." The Cowled man gestured, and this time it was Sir Mumphrey who sat in the throne.

    Sir Mumphrey frowned, but he pressed on. "What would be your primary reason for wanting to join the Lair Legion?"

    "It would be much too complex to explain." He leaned back and steepled his fingers, but said no more.

    "Give it a try," Sir Mumphrey prodded. "It's important to this interview."

    "Very well." The Hooded Hood sighed. "I have many plans that involve the...assistance of the Lair Legion. It will simply be more convenient if I could access them directly rather than cleverly manipulate them. I'm interviewing to save you time and aggravation, really."

    "And these plans would be?" Sir Mumphrey poked further.

    "Complex," the Hooded Hood repeated. "I believe I stated that earlier."

    Sir Mumphrey was starting to lose patience. "Do they involve world domination?"

    "A few, yes," the Hooded Hood replied honestly. He turned slightly to look at the doorway of Mumph's office. "And at least two involve one of your youngest...associates."

    Sir Mumphrey looked across the Hooded Hood and noticed Liu Xi Xian standing in the doorway, waiting patiently. "I'm sorry, young lady, I'm a little busy at the moment."

    "I know," Liu Xi replied. "Your next interview is here. She asked me to announce her arrival because she says the Hooded Hood will be thrown out shortly."

    "Indeed." The Hooded Hood raised an eyebrow.

    "And why isn't Asil doing that task?" Sir Mumphrey asked.

    "She appears to be a little tied up," the Hooded Hood replied calmly. As promised, Asil was mysteriously tangled in telephone wire, trying to free herself with a letter opener.

    "Bounder!" Sir Mumphrey spouted at him. "This interview is not only over--"

    "Would you like me to escort him to the exit?" the soft, patient voice of the Psychic Samurai asked. She quickly removed her sword from its sheath and freed Asil with the precision of a surgeon, and then returned the sword to its place.

    But the Hooded Hood was already on his feet, standing in front of Liu Xi Xian. Sir Mumphrey tried to intervene, but his shoelaces were suddenly untied and they tangled on his desk chair as he rolled it back to stand. Which was odd because it didn't used to have wheels.

    "I decided to attend this interview to speak to you again," the Hood told the Chinese teen. "You can do so much more than be a mild distraction for heroes who will never truly understand or accept you." He looked at CSFB! who just arrived and was standing in the doorway, confused. "Or lust after you because of your youthfulness. You can be so much more. I'm giving you one more chance to accept my choice, Liu Xi. If you refuse I give you my word that you will never be asked again."

    Liu Xi stared at him for a moment, and then opened her mouth. She finally replied. "You are a deceiver," she whispered. "Whether you speak truth or not. Dream may be misguided, but he is honest...and his chances of success are far better than yours."

    "Very well." the Hooded Hood said. His eyes glowed green, and suddenly he was gone.

    "I have a chance of success?" CSFB! asked.

    "Don't push your luck," Liu Xi replied calmly. "We need to leave. Sir Mumphrey has a second interview to conduct."

    "Thank you, Liu Xi," Sir Mumphrey said. He followed Liu Xi and CSFB! to the door, and closed it behind them...and then he turned to face his second interview - the Psychic Samurai.

---

    "I think she was chosen because of her relationship with Jay," CSFB! commented as he left Sir Mumphrey's office with Liu Xi. "I mean, how else could a former Yakuza be considered for the LL?"

    "You are just jealous," Liu Xi told him. "And I don't think they are intimate."

    "Oh, that's what you think," the Wired Wonder gushed. "She spent a couple nights here at the Lair Mansion."

    "You are a walking tabloid," Liu Xi commented impatiently. "Maybe they just enjoy each other's company. They have many stories to tell each other."

    The reply CSFB! gave was a variation of Liu Xi's last sentence only with a much more vulgar tone worthy of Liu Xi rolling her eyes and walking away.

    "Chiaki Bushido," the Psychic Samurai answered the first question, requesting her name. She spoke with an even pace, trying as best as she could to minimize her Asian accent. She was seated, legs cross neatly, leaned back as if to show an air of confidence. Her sword's sheath had it's end on the floor, and was leaned against the chair, leaving the hilt exposed just within reach. Even the choice of colors for her clothing, a bright red shirt and black jeans and boots, showed confidence.

    "And you used to work for the Yakuza under Akiko Masamune?" Sir Mumphrey asked.

    "No." She shook her head. "I served Akiko Masamune alone, to repay a debt."

    "What sort of debt?" the Eccentric Englishman prodded.

    She sighed. "As you likely know there is not much demand in civilized society for one who lives by the sword. Akiko gave me a purpose in life, gave me everything I have. It was only fair that I served her until she declared my debt paid. She has, and I am now free to do as I please."

    "And that's why you've applied here?"

    Chiaki nodded. "Jay Boaz introduced me to the type of work the Lair Legion does. I find it spiritually satisfying."

    "If I may ask an honest question," he began, "How many people have you killed? And do you feel any remorse for them?"

    "I have never killed," the Psychic Samurai replied honestly. "I have never had need to. People seem to respect my authority. I have had to injure on occasion, but I always feel regret when someone has to be harmed."

    Mumph nodded and made a note on a pad on his desk. "Good," he said, "Charisma reflects positively on your application, as does empathy." His eyes narrowed as he decided to ask a more pointed question. "How would you describe your relationship with Hatman?"

    "I wouldn't," she replied sharply. "As he has to answer to you I believe it should be his choice to tell you. I believe you will have your opportunity very soon."

    "Hmph." He made another note, and then as he looked up, he realized her last comment referred to the fact that Hatman was standing in the doorway.

    "Hello Chiaki," Jay said as he approached the desk.

    Sir Mumphrey looked at Chiaki, and then at Jay, noting mentally that she seemed to give him a smile as he approached, and then regain her composure. "Mr. Boaz, would you indulge me and answer the question?"

    "Why is it important?" Jay asked.

    Mumph raised an eyebrow. "Because it's important not to hide anything that could be seen as improper hiring practices. If everything is out in the open then this decision can be made with a clean conscience."

    Jay frowned. "I guess...we've kind of grown on each other," he replied. "But it's nothing like what Dream says though."

    Chiaki nodded in agreement and then smiled for a second again.

    "Very well." Mumphrey sighed. "To make this simple as possible, Ms. Bushido...we have certain standards. The questions I've asked you only cover the basics. If and when we decide on finalists for the new Lair Legion members you may be asked more questions by our senior members. Some of them may be invasive...but you must answer them to the best of your ability."

    "I understand." She nodded.

    "Hmmph." Sir Mumphrey rose just as Chiaki did. "Good luck, then." He shook her hand firmly.

    "Want to grab some lunch?" Jay asked her.

    "Of course." Chiaki nodded and gently picked up her sword as she followed Jay out of the office.

    Sir Mumphrey checked his book to see who was next. But before he had a chance to read the name, she had already arrived, and seemed impatient.

    "Let's get this over with," Yuki Shiro stated as she entered Sir Mumphrey's office in a blur and sat down.

---

    "How do you feel about me?" Jay asked pointedly as he led Chaiki out onto the grounds of the Lair Mansion.

    She took a deep breath and looked around. "I...really enjoy your company. I feel embarrassed to say any more than that."

    "Why?" Jay asked.

    "You have quite an active social schedule from what I hear." She shrugged. "I--"

    "Have a lot of competition?" Jay laughed after completing her sentence. She just smiled nervously in response. "Don't let Dream's stories scare you away," he said. "He pretty much makes them all up."

    Chiaki laughed. "You know why I like you? Because you are honest yet you make me laugh."

    "So what do you want for lunch?"

    She shrugged. "Pizza. I feel like eating pizza."

    Sir Mumphrey raised an eyebrow as Yuki Shiro dropped a box containing a hot pizza on his desk. "You aren't attempting to bribe me, what?"

    "No," she replied quickly as she sat down and crossed her legs. "Frankly, I don't even see the point of interviewing. You've hired me before, so you know what I can do. I'd like to have steady paying work doing some good for the world, but you'll either choose me or you won't. So really we're wasting each other's time...and the least I can do is bring you lunch while I'm wasting your time."

    Mumph took out a slice of pizza and tasted it. "Mmm. Right decent of you, Ms. Shiro. Good show."

    "So are we done here?" Yuki asked.

    He thought about it for a moment while he munched on the pizza. "You may have to give up quite a few high paying clients to take this job."

    She blinked once and replied, "I know. To be honest Al B Harper wasn't quite comfortable with me working with some of them. This way I can give him some peace of mind." She smiled. "I'm doing this for him, he's been after me to try out for the Lair Legion for a while. This is...a little present to him for being such a great guy."

    "I suppose we are done here," Sir Mumphrey said. "No sense in wasting more time, what? Besides, my next interview is here."

    Standing in the doorway as Yuki Shiro stood and shook Mumphrey's hand was Liu Xi Xian.

---

    Liu Xi sat in the chair across from Mumph's desk gingerly, as if she weren't sure whether she should be there. She didn't speak a word, but kept her head high, her confidence betrayed only by her fearful eyes.

    "Before you ask," Sir Mumphrey began, "Dream did not ask me to interview you. But he did encourage it."

    "So...why then?" she asked quietly.

    "Because the Hooded Hood has taken an interest in you," he replied. "He gave you a choice. I think you deserve another choice as well."

    "Thank you," Liu Xi replied quietly. "But I don't think I deserve the Lair Legion yet."

    "You're nervous about interviewing?"

    She nodded. "I'm still...unsure of what people think of me," she said. "Many here are afraid of me, or at least intimidated. I'm...much more comfortable staying in my own private circle."

    "Then it's time we give you some status, what?" Sir Mumphrey pointed out. "If you are a full fledged Lair Legion member that would command some respect, y'know."

    She nodded. "I guess...I have a lot to think about."

    "Right. It's up to you, then," he said as he rose and shook Liu Xi's hand too. She seemed amused by the ceremony of that. "I wanted you to have the choice. If you choose to meet with the senior members...you let me know, what?"

    "I will." She nodded and quietly left the room to make way for the next interview. Someone she suggested herself.

    "Come in, please," Sir Mumphrey told the next interview.

    A blonde woman of medium height entered the office with a sunny smile, even dressed in light colors, and sat in the chair across from his desk. "Hi," she said, doing her best to sound friendly.

    "Lara Night, eh?" he asked.

    She nodded. "Liu Xi wanted me to interview," she admitted. "I didn't even know you were searching for new members. She seems to think I'll be around to talk to her more often if I get the job."

    "The biggest concern I have at the moment," Mumph said, "Is that you cooperated with the Hooded Hood on one occasion."

    "Who hasn't?" she asked. "Sometimes when something big goes wrong, and you're in a little over your head, you have to call in someone who knows. Even if you don't completely trust them."

    "Quite right," Sir Mumphrey replied, "But you also should never sell your soul for the benefit of mankind...or you may be selling everyone else in the process."

    Lara smiled. "We could have some amazing debates about this," she laughed.

    "We could indeed." He looked at his note pad and added, "I see you've met Visionary and Hatman."

    "Hatman I only have a passing acquaintance with. Visionary...I guess you can say we shared some deep thoughts and I have intimate knowledge of his heart." She chuckled at her own joke.

    "Yes, amusing," Sir Mumphrey stated quickly. "Another issue I have...it would be good if I could learn your capabilities, what?"

    Lara blinked once as she tried to figure out the stranger part of Mumph's speech patterns before she replied. "I...guess I can manipulate electrical energy. I can manifest it within myself, or project it. Protect myself with a field of energy, or just...blast someone with a nice bolt of lightning if I need to. And I guess I can sort of...dilute my own matter with energy until I'm no longer solid. I sometimes can transport myself great distances by following streams of energy. I can sense changes in energy around me...like when something weird is going on I can tell."

    "I suppose what I'm seeking is a way to differentiate you from any other team member. To see what makes your power unique. To see what makes you unique."

    "I can do this." Lara reached into Mumph's desk lamp and removed the bulb quickly. She then held it between two fingers, and it flickered at first before glowing brightly.

    "Good show." Sir Mumphrey couldn't help but laugh. "You're an interesting choice," he said. "You seem to be an uplifting person and have a good sense of humor. But be aware that our senior members will likely have more questions for you."

    "I'll be looking forward to it." Lara stood just as Mumphrey did and shook his hand. "Have a good evening," she said as she quietly left.

---

    The last interview on Sir Mumphrey's list was by far the most mysterious, even rivaling the Hooded Hood himself. As if to prove that point she was already in Sir Mumphrey's office as the previous interview concluded, but Mumph wasn't aware of her presence until she presented herself, a moment after Lara Night left the room.

    "Good evening," she said calmly. She sat down in the chair across from Sir Mumphrey dressed entirely in black including a leather jacket and waited for him to return to his seat. In spite of her mysterious nature she gave him a warm smile.

    "Any reason you asked to be interviewed last, Ms. Takashi?" Sir Mumphey asked.

    Keiko shrugged. "I have a keen sense of drama, perhaps. And that Psychic Samurai makes me a little uncomfortable."

    "Uncomfortable?"

    "She has this look that--" Keiko shook her head. "It appears to peel away your will until you're forced to bend to hers."

    "I don't believe I've seen it," Mumph admitted.

    "She only seems to use it on people she can't quite get measure of," Keiko explained.

    "Interesting." Sir Mumphrey made a note on his pad. "I suppose many of the Lair Legion members have heard of you...or at least what you're about. You don't mind if some of the senior members ask you questions?"

    "If they choose to," she nodded. "After all," she added, "I'm interviewing as a personal favor to you. It's the least I can do after I nearly tried killing you."

    "You wouldn't have if that bounder Hooded Hood hadn't misguided you," Mumph indicated.

    "Of course not." Keiko sighed. "Truthfully I have little drive to kill these days unless I'm protecting someone or something I deeply care about."

    "I certainly hope the senior members will speak to you," Sir Mumphrey said. "It would be an interesting interview indeed."

TO BE CONTINUED:

STAGE 1: EACH ONE OF YOU WILL CHOOSE AS MANY CANDIDATES AS YOU WISH AND SELECT QUESTIONS YOUR CHARACTER WOULD ASK THEM.

-- Story written and copyrighted (C) 2005 by Jason Froikin, and may not be
-- reprinted without permission.
-- Yuki Shiro designed by Jason Froikin, based on designs by Masamune Shirow
-- Liu Xi Xian is an original design by Jason Froikin
-- Lara Night and Keiko Takashi are original designs by Jason Froikin

Post By Anime Jason Sat Jun 18, 2005 at 12:18:22 pm EDT	Subject Adventures In Parodyverse: New Addition Part 1 (read the end carefully)

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